Silence

Silence- Oh, Silence is so secure.
There's no risk of regret or pain.
Silence provides protection.

If I open my mouth and say what I feel
The eyes of the world will tear me down.
There's no use trying.
It is a game nobody can win.

If I seal my heart within my silence
There is no way you can know
All of my complex thoughts
All of my foolish hopes.

For now, I shall stay silent.
I won't give away a word.
You will never be able to find me.

Fear & Reassurance

Sometimes, trusting is difficult.
It's like taking someone's hand and walking into the dark. You don't know what will happen and you can't see a thing. The only thing that's guiding you is trust. You trust that the hand in yours will guide you and keep you away from harm.

Why shouldn't I be afraid to trust?
Of course trust has benefits and faults. Not everyone you confide in will keep your secrets. There will be times when the other person lets go of your hand and leaves you there in the dark. I have reasons to be afraid.

When we trust, we just have to hold on and hope.

Use your voice

I feel very lucky. Lucky to be alive and lucky to have what I have.

I was watching this interview, and they told a little boy in Liberia:
"A lot of people, if they don't eat for one day, they'll be crying."

He said, "but I was brave. When people come to kill you, how would you feel? You don't want to eat."

It's true, we take everything for granted. I can remember the times when people told me to feel lucky that I have food, a home, clothes ect. I would not really care. I was a kid, what did it matter to me? If things don't directly affect us, we tend to ignore them.

If you ignore something, it doesn't make it go away.
It's still there, you just aren't paying attention to it.
You can't wish away problems; you can solve them.

Don't stand by, ignoring will only make things worse. If someone is bothering you, give them a reason to shut up. It doesn't matter if everyone around you is against what you stand for, because somewhere in the world, there's someone who thinks the same way as you. Stand up. Use your voice, because if you don't, no one else will.

Curiosity

Curiosity is a silly thing.

Have you ever wondered what things would be like if you did something differently?
Imagine if you said hello to that girl or boy, or complimented that stranger. You could have made a different expression, said a different phrase, or faced a different direction and time would have been totally altered. It's pretty amazing.

Imagine if you made a good first impression on someone. The guilt every time you saw that person would be nonexistent. Turning back time sounds kind of nice.

For the time being, it's impossible to undo moments spent and relive them. Maybe it's better off that way, because life would be too easy if we could fix every mistake we made. The past is (sometimes unfortunately) the past. :)

Reflect

It's kind of stupid how I have about 4 unfinished homework assignments that I didn't even begin yet. It's 7:59 pm. No wonder I'm always tired and stressed.

Tomorrow is Friday, which will be 22 days before my birthday. It's a scary reality check, growing a year older. There are a lot of moments I wish I could take back. Why do I always leave bad first impressions? It is totally unfair.

A lot has changed for me this year, despite the fact that school has only just begun. I guess it's all part of maturing. I really hate that word sometimes. People always tell me I'm mature. Does maturity mean that you have to be serious? Smart? I don't know. I'm a total contradiction, because people call me mature and naive. How does that make sense? Oh well. :)

Play

Press the button and open up a new world.
Sound starts and time stops.
It flows like a river across your mind.

Suddenly, reality disappears.
Around you all that is real is what you imagine.
Nothing needs to make sense.

Sometimes you feel trapped.
Days pass where you feel empty and bored.
There's one solution: press play.
All your troubles will melt away.

Transparency

I think some of the best things in this world are rarely known and rarely seen.

There is so much beauty hidden from our eyes and our minds. We are restricted to what is in our limited range of sight or what is fixed in our minds. I am guilty of ignorance at times and other times people's ignorance has brought me to tears. I think it's weird that I cry for complete strangers who I have never met and likely will never meet in my life. The poor and the war torn children are way away from home, but somehow I feel like they are my family. If they cry, I want to cry too.

If you have really only seen one thing in your whole life, and just close your eyes to every other image, what is that proving? It is proving that you don't have the mental and emotional capacity to look past your own selfish state of mind and embrace something new. It makes me angry, but it is not my place to criticize others.

Sometimes I feel like I belong somewhere in this world, but I have not found the place yet. I'll continue to open my heart to the transparent beauty on this planet, the cultures that are seldom seen and heard, and the experiences yet to be discovered.

It's weird.

I can't sleep. My eyes hurt, my head is pounding, but my mind is restless.

I saw 9 today. It was pretty good. School is going okay but I'm scared for my English grade. I need to get more rest and I need to stop dreaming so much.

99% of my dreams won't come true, but It's better to dream than to be hopeless. Oh well. :P

School Again

I'm scared out of my mind. School is back, and this year is going to be way harder than last. I really have no idea how I am going to manage. I miss being in almost every class with my friend Jill...now we're in only 3. Some of my classes are filled with people I barely know.
Shyness tends to stick to you like a parasite or something. It's so annoying that I can't comfortably approach people and say hello. There are so many nice and interesting people in my class, but I barely know more than a few by name.
Maybe I will grow out of my shy stage. How am I supposed to follow my "dreams" if I am to shy to introduce myself? So pathetic! It never used to be this bad.

I'll probably stay quiet forever hoping you will notice me, but It will never happen. Things do not happen on their own, an action causes a reaction. I'm frozen.

Impossible Family

Sometimes it feels like my family is impossible. Whenever I try to speak up, I get shot down. After all, I'm a child, and a girl....so nothing I have to say even matters.

I don't think many girls my age here struggle internally with entirely contrary opinions to pretty much everyone in our society. It's so hard to hold in my feelings and opinions that are seen as odd or weird in our culture. Does nobody care? No, that's not true, because people care. Not everyone closes their eyes to the world.

Is it normal to worry about political and social issues as a young girl? Is it wrong to discuss them with family? Apparently it is. Many of us "Americans" have this really closed minded attitude towards other countries, religions and cultures that are different from their own. We're quick to slap a label on someone's forehead based on those things.

Anyways, yeah. It's hard to shut up about this stuff because it's flowing through my head 24/7. I don't want people to label me as some stupid American like they often do to many on the internet. The world is my country. I love America, but I cannot ignore my place on this planet and how it affects people all around me.

Just for now

Everything is so confusing.

I know people dedicate their lives to try to understand things in this life, but I feel so weak. Once I see something is too difficult, I want to turn my back and ignore it. It's really foolish.

People tend to lay their ideas on me and it's hard for me to deny them. I just want everyone to be happy. Deep inside I just want to be myself, not a stranger.

It's my fault for always changing. Staying the same is hard for me.

"For me, it's important to just renew things all the time and keep it recycled." -M.I.A.

Examinations

I HATE EXAMS. Seriously...I think I am going to pass out. Now, my sister's school is closed all week because of a "swine flu outbreak". My sister is sick and it's annoying me, I really don't want to get sick, but I'm starting to feel it. My doctor put me on all sorts of medications and I don't even know what I am doing. Anyways, I better study...I didn't even start.

Blah Blah Blah

Is it possible to become me again? I think I've created a monster. I still havent decided on whether this monster is something I love or hate. Looking at myself in the mirror reveals a stranger, but somehow that stranger gives me comfort.

I know that the person I used to be is not what I want anymore, but that person was happy. She did whatever she wanted and didn't care what people thought. She was loud, she was silly, she was somebody. Me, I am nobody, but is it better?

I do not believe anything stays the same in this life. We as people are always growing, changing to survive in this world. As we change, the world changes, it's like an unbeatable game. I know I am young, younger than most in my class, but I see something that many others seem to not notice. I see the beauty in our diverse world. I see the need for holding on each time I feel hopeless. A life wasted is a life undeserved.

Sickness

Sickness is really annoying. I wonder why I am plagued with this terrible feeling. I know everyone gets sick, but why do I get sick SO much? It's awful. My sister is sick too, but she gets sick way less than me.
It's really hard to keep my average above 90 when I am absent so much, but I manage to do it. Sometimes people tell me I overwork myself, but I don't care. I have a goal I want to reach and I'm willing to accept the challenges. In the meantime, I guess I'll get another glass of orange juice.

15 minutes of fame.

Go ahead, conform.
Do what people expect you to do, because that's what you're SUPPOSED to do.

Go ahead, combine.
All together we are strong, together we lose individuality.

Go ahead, believe.
It's easier to believe something you're told than to seek the truth.

We are humans. We make mistakes. Our hearts have different longings, our appearances and minds allow us to be unique. We are united in diversity, not similarity. When will people open their eyes? I can only wonder.

Nonexistent Girl

It's nothing special....

Am I invisible?
Am I see through?
It wouldn't really matter to you.

I've cried insignificant tears.
I've faced imaginary fears.
You turn your cheek.

Time cherished.
Time wasted.
You smiled as you erased it.

I want to take back every moment I spent...
To you, I am nonexistent.

The Future

This is something I wrote....
:)

Thinking about the future...
What does it hold?
What will I do from now until I am old?

Will I make good choices?
Will I do good things?
I really want to know what the future brings.

Will I fall in love?
Will he break my heart?
Will my world fall apart?

I think I need to realize...
If I want to know my future,
I must make it come true.

You make your own future.
The future does not make you.

Blog.

I'm not writing this expecting anyone to read it. If you read this and like it, that's wonderful. I'm Elisa. No one ever seems to get my name right, so I usually don't bother correcting them anymore. Sometimes it's hard for me to relate to other people, but I really like people a lot...especially kids. I understand that you, my reader, probably know me a little bit. If so, I'd like to tell you that I'm really quite different than I seem.

Well, I don't want to write an autobiography. I'm not like, some famous person...no one really cares. In this blog thing, I might share lyrics I wrote, videos and songs I like or maybe even some photos. Who knows. It's just to pass time.