Curiosity

Curiosity is a silly thing.

Have you ever wondered what things would be like if you did something differently?
Imagine if you said hello to that girl or boy, or complimented that stranger. You could have made a different expression, said a different phrase, or faced a different direction and time would have been totally altered. It's pretty amazing.

Imagine if you made a good first impression on someone. The guilt every time you saw that person would be nonexistent. Turning back time sounds kind of nice.

For the time being, it's impossible to undo moments spent and relive them. Maybe it's better off that way, because life would be too easy if we could fix every mistake we made. The past is (sometimes unfortunately) the past. :)

Reflect

It's kind of stupid how I have about 4 unfinished homework assignments that I didn't even begin yet. It's 7:59 pm. No wonder I'm always tired and stressed.

Tomorrow is Friday, which will be 22 days before my birthday. It's a scary reality check, growing a year older. There are a lot of moments I wish I could take back. Why do I always leave bad first impressions? It is totally unfair.

A lot has changed for me this year, despite the fact that school has only just begun. I guess it's all part of maturing. I really hate that word sometimes. People always tell me I'm mature. Does maturity mean that you have to be serious? Smart? I don't know. I'm a total contradiction, because people call me mature and naive. How does that make sense? Oh well. :)

Play

Press the button and open up a new world.
Sound starts and time stops.
It flows like a river across your mind.

Suddenly, reality disappears.
Around you all that is real is what you imagine.
Nothing needs to make sense.

Sometimes you feel trapped.
Days pass where you feel empty and bored.
There's one solution: press play.
All your troubles will melt away.

Transparency

I think some of the best things in this world are rarely known and rarely seen.

There is so much beauty hidden from our eyes and our minds. We are restricted to what is in our limited range of sight or what is fixed in our minds. I am guilty of ignorance at times and other times people's ignorance has brought me to tears. I think it's weird that I cry for complete strangers who I have never met and likely will never meet in my life. The poor and the war torn children are way away from home, but somehow I feel like they are my family. If they cry, I want to cry too.

If you have really only seen one thing in your whole life, and just close your eyes to every other image, what is that proving? It is proving that you don't have the mental and emotional capacity to look past your own selfish state of mind and embrace something new. It makes me angry, but it is not my place to criticize others.

Sometimes I feel like I belong somewhere in this world, but I have not found the place yet. I'll continue to open my heart to the transparent beauty on this planet, the cultures that are seldom seen and heard, and the experiences yet to be discovered.

It's weird.

I can't sleep. My eyes hurt, my head is pounding, but my mind is restless.

I saw 9 today. It was pretty good. School is going okay but I'm scared for my English grade. I need to get more rest and I need to stop dreaming so much.

99% of my dreams won't come true, but It's better to dream than to be hopeless. Oh well. :P

School Again

I'm scared out of my mind. School is back, and this year is going to be way harder than last. I really have no idea how I am going to manage. I miss being in almost every class with my friend Jill...now we're in only 3. Some of my classes are filled with people I barely know.
Shyness tends to stick to you like a parasite or something. It's so annoying that I can't comfortably approach people and say hello. There are so many nice and interesting people in my class, but I barely know more than a few by name.
Maybe I will grow out of my shy stage. How am I supposed to follow my "dreams" if I am to shy to introduce myself? So pathetic! It never used to be this bad.

I'll probably stay quiet forever hoping you will notice me, but It will never happen. Things do not happen on their own, an action causes a reaction. I'm frozen.

Impossible Family

Sometimes it feels like my family is impossible. Whenever I try to speak up, I get shot down. After all, I'm a child, and a girl....so nothing I have to say even matters.

I don't think many girls my age here struggle internally with entirely contrary opinions to pretty much everyone in our society. It's so hard to hold in my feelings and opinions that are seen as odd or weird in our culture. Does nobody care? No, that's not true, because people care. Not everyone closes their eyes to the world.

Is it normal to worry about political and social issues as a young girl? Is it wrong to discuss them with family? Apparently it is. Many of us "Americans" have this really closed minded attitude towards other countries, religions and cultures that are different from their own. We're quick to slap a label on someone's forehead based on those things.

Anyways, yeah. It's hard to shut up about this stuff because it's flowing through my head 24/7. I don't want people to label me as some stupid American like they often do to many on the internet. The world is my country. I love America, but I cannot ignore my place on this planet and how it affects people all around me.